Monday, January 14, 2013

Oh Passion!

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." Confucius.

The first time I saw this quote, It spoke directly to my heart. I felt both happy and sad. Sad because I realized I wasn't doing what I longed in my heart to do. Happy because I knew exactly what would fill the emptiness I felt, from going to a dead end job. That's the day I embarked on a journey to find myself and what I love. I've been on this path for a while now, and the moment I think I've found the it, the next question is always,"how do you pay your bills?"

I'm I the only one looking for my passion? I hope there are some people out there on the quest to find theirs. This topic has dominated my life for a very long time now. From prayer to meditation to search engines. I want to find it! Some searches have been fruitful for just a while, others leave me completely empty and frustrated. I catch myself saying things like; "give me an exact formula." Now, don't get me wrong, I have a few things I'm passionate about. A passion that can be turned into profits however, is what I desire deep down.

When I was younger I knew what I wanted, how and when. As time goes, the search becomes so much deeper. There are so many factors to consider, and of course, society has had a big impact in our choices. The pursuit of passion has turned out to be a lot like love. You think you've found the one every time. Then after some ups and downs, you realize that wasn't the one. You start all over again, and this time before you settle, there are so many false signs. 

Being away from home has been both a curse and a blessing. It has turned out to be a "know thyself" adventure, and in it, so much confusion and uncertainties. To know ones self is awesome but it can only happen in solitude. We are so used to being surrounded that when you get away from the noise and the comfort zone,  you realize you didn't know who you were. I'm grateful for the day I stumbled upon that quote, and I have learnt one thing. Nothing comes easy, even finding the things you love. And the journey continues...... 
"Know your enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster". Sun Tzu 

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Are you with me?

What, then, can we say about all of this? If God is for us, who can be against us?  Mmm... We spent the first day of the new year soaking in the wisdom of my adopted Mama and Papa. It was an awesome evening. Wherever you go, as an immigrant, find yourself a family. A mother and a father figure to watch out for you. It's comforting to have people genuinely love and care for you like their own in this far far away land. So at dinner, we started talking about my favorite topic. Ideas! I do have a lot of them... the only thing is, in the past year my loved ones got a bit weary of hearing great ideas, and an action plan... and then silence... which of course was fueled by my late friend fear and excuses. I started getting questions like; What about the other one you told me about? This in turn made me a bit more hesitant about sharing towards the end of the last year, and led me to some critical thinking and questioning of my attitude.  I have now kicked my excuses and fear goodbye.

While on the topic of ideas, something really resonated with me. "Whatever you do, make sure God is on your side and second your partner. I realized then and there, that I'd been running on empty. I had forgotten to ask the most important question. God, are you with me? If God is with us, it doesn't matter who is against us. He's in charge anyway. I've seen what he can do especially with divine connections. So from now on, whatever I do, I'm taking a moment to ask... God, are you with me? Thinking about it... that's all you need cause he lives in your heart.

The other lesson came while I was catching up with mama. She said with so much conviction that, I don't have to worry about what people say. What matters is that I am happy with my life and in my heart I know that I'm true to myself. People outside only see what they want to see. They assume you're happy just because you're smiling. So be true to yourself... That was a good beginning. Couldn't have asked for more.

"What, then, can we say about all of this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Lesson from Phiona

When I first saw the story of Phiona, I was  impressed. I personally don't know how to play chess. Never been interested, but the way they described chess in this video, I thought I might try out sometime. It's amazing to see the endless possibilities we have, and how some odd opportunities like chess.... I mean who would have thought that chess could change a young girls life?

I like the confidence in Phiona when she talks. One statement really resonated with me. "When I play chess, I am not afraid" I couldn't help but think about my life. Was there anything like Phiona that I could say with so much conviction that I was not afraid when I did?... There are so many things that I enjoy doing. I however like Phiona, want to stand and say;" When I write I am not afraid". There you go... "when I write I am not afraid" I like that!

If you like I are looking for that thing. It might be right at your finger tips. Phiona is honest with herself. She is not bragging, she just is. We have learnt to be modest about the gifts and talents we have. Well, this is not about the statement I made earlier about my writing. See.... I'm trying to be modest. Ok... lets try again... Yes, I am not afraid when I write. As I was saying, we've learnt to be humble about our gifts, even if it means throwing them in the bottomless pit, just to accommodate other people. Well, accommodate no more this year, and let that light shine. Whatever it is you know to do, do it! Share it with others too. If you don't like NY, you say it on national Tv. Lesson from Phiona... Be yourself and flaunt it for the glory of God.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

A Clean Slate

My friend Emily from back in the day, used to have a very peculiar habit with a new book. She would write on the first page until there was no space left. She never wanted to turn the page. She just loved having a new book, and to her, squeezing all her notes on that page gave her the feeling of everything being new and staying that way, as she described.  I remember in class 3, when our teacher was absent and the 3b teacher had to substitute... This meant we moving our desks to squeeze into his class. Our class teacher knew Emily's habit, and of course she would patiently wait until she was ready to turn the page. Now, Mr Mwangi was not aware and so when Emily took her class work to be marked, she had to explain to him that he needed to do some sort of treasure hunt. She had written all over the place wherever she could find space. To me, that was hilarious. She had some ease about her, that made her almost unaware of her surroundings, that when Mr Mwangi was shouting, she just looked at me and smiled.

As for me, a new book meant changing my handwriting and promising myself that this time, i'll be neat and organized. With a new year, was a new class, and therefore everything else was new. It was a time to start over. An opportunity to do it better. I had a specific handwriting for the first few pages, and then as time went by, the neatness would start to wear off. I wouldn't care about how neat the book looked anymore, and soon all the promises I had made to myself didn't matter. A long the way,  I would loose a pen and had to borrow one that probably didn't have enough ink, and that of course put a dent in my promise. Or my pen would dry up or I would find a brand of pen with a different kind of blue that wasn't Bic. Sometimes I would be doing my homework just before the teacher came to class... and of course that was my in a hurry handwriting. There would be all sorts of challenges along the way and they were all told in the style of writing.

This story reminded me of the new year. We have made so many promises to ourselves by now. I started three days before the end of the year. I'm determined to keep this promises, and just like my school work, there will be challenges. The pen, the ink, the winter,  rain, there is no telling what will come. But I will do it anyway. Even last minute before the teacher appears will do, just as long as we do what we have to do. Like my friend Emily, don't be afraid to turn the page. The key is to keep the enthusiasm. The second page doesn't mean the book is old, it's also a clean slate, and an opportunity to start all over again. Everyday is a gift unique in its own way. As for the 2nd,3rd, 4th and the rest of Jan remember you still have a chance. If you find yourself giving up along the way, try the next day. 

"For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." 
Steve Jobs 

"I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "
Groucho Marx  

Psalm 118:24

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.